There is not a day that goes by where the feeling of being a fraud doesn’t resurrect. The fear I will be found out looms in the back of my head as a constant reminder like the devil and the angel sitting on each of my shoulders in constant debate. Despite my many accomplishments and achievements, feeling like an imposter is very real. My drive to be a perfectionist is one “coping” mechanism but it comes at a high price of burn-out; my work needs to be 100% perfect or else it’s not good enough. I also have embedded in myself the mantra, “failure is not an option” taken from the Apollo 13 space mission, this too doesn’t help with my perfectionist complex as it cements anxiety in even starting a task or project – this is where I am a procrastination queen.
This time of year, my organization is graced with summer students. All different academic backgrounds are assigned to each functional group to help us out with any tasks no matter how big or small. It’s a great opportunity for the students to gain work experience in order to bolster their resumes. Many of the students are children of the employees and year over year we get to witness how these children grow up. This past week, I got to chatting with one of my returning students about how the past school year went. Her mother, who works in my group, so proud of her daughter, told me she made the Dean’s List. What an incredible achievement, as I know there was no shortage of late nights, anxiety-crammed final exams, and tear-filled frustrations. As I enthusiastically congratulated her, I observed something very interesting. Uncomfortable with the praise, her shoulders turned in, she refused eye contact and her voice went small as she told me she barely made the Dean’s List. In an instant with my spidey sense, I detected the imposter syndrome. In front of her mother, I declared, from this moment onward, you will never minimize your achievements and your accomplishments. You worked very hard for this honour, celebrate it – claim it and own it! Her mother was glad I was firm with this conviction. Believing in your talents and recognizing your worth are crucial stepping stones for future success. Her success, my success, your success didn’t show up one day at your door and invited itself in for a cup of tea. It was grit and grind that propped us up and propelled us forward.
The imposter syndrome is a psychological condition that mostly affects minorities and women however studies are showing that men too are experiencing this as well. There are many factors that contribute to a person’s imposter syndrome from their upbringing, patterning and conditioning, experiences, etc. Despite the feelings of inadequacy and fraudulency, the imposter syndrome when reconstructed can serve you rather than slice you. I have used my nature of perfectionism to challenge myself – I have recognized I am only competing with myself (this has taken me well over 20 years to learn and it hasn’t fully sunken in yet). Challenging myself to be a better version of who I was yesterday has helped me to gain valuable experience, dedicate myself to specific learning and refine certain skills. I ask myself what went well today, what could I do better, and what learning is required. I have embraced the feeling of discomfort and don’t deny the fact that I am constantly uncomfortable at work. This discomfort is growth and without it, I can not succeed. This discomfort has helped me to be more curious about data, it’s given me the confidence to ask questions and it has allowed me to share my perspectives without self-censoring and self-judgment. Just remember, mirror mirror on the wall is you looking back at you.
Reference Material:
https://www.themuse.com/advice/5-different-types-of-imposter-syndrome-and-5-ways-to-battle-each-one
