Ever heard the saying, ‘if you’re the smartest person in your circle, your circle is too small.” When we’re younger we believe popularity and hanging out with the cool kids is the epitome of success. Good thing we didn’t know much about life when we were younger because success isn’t measured by the number of Facebook friends you acquire. In fact, as you mature and attain success and achievement, your social circle shrinks oftentimes to a handful of valuable people you literally could count on to bail you out of jail at 3 a.m. – that is how I know I have a core group of friends.
Over the years, I have vacillated with the number of friends I hold true. For me, the life-changing moment where I evaluated my friendships in my life was when I had a falling out with two near and dear girlfriends. I was in my mid-twenties and to be quite honest, all three of us weren’t very mature to value our friendship the way we do now. With their departure, I realized what type of friendships I needed and what kind of persons I wanted in my circle; if I wanted to be better than myself, I needed to surround myself with people smarter and different than me. I started making friends with all types of backgrounds, experiences, education, priorities, and ages. I believe having a diverse group I surround myself with has truly elevated my leadership. I am learning a tremendous amount through each of their experiences, triumphs, and challenges and when my friends accomplish, I am truly proud of them which motivates me to push even harder to achieve my goals. It’s not a competition by any means, but when your circle is achieving that shit is infectious. When your circle is growing, you are automatically motivated to stretch yourself beyond your own limits. And when your circle is going through a difficult time, you look deep inside yourself to create a safe and compassionate space for them to land while you reflect. Your circle allows you to be your authentic self and they show up when you need them.
In my life, I have interlacing circles; each group of friends serves my soul in different ways and when combined together they represent possibility, knowledge, wisdom, love, connection, adventure, success, and achievement. It’s not uncommon however for me to hear that as an adult making new friends isn’t easy. Making friends is like dating – it’s a process and being selective is important for keeping out the toxicity. Start with listing out activities you enjoy doing and join those clubs. If you had childhood friends you lost touch with, reconnect; with the age of social media, we all have detective skills. You have a desire to give back, volunteer – this serves two purposes, you are helping your community and you’re connecting with selfless people; this is a no-brainer. If you are a member of a professional affiliation, attend their events, you will be with like-minded people.
It’s also okay if you start outgrowing friendships especially those long-standing ones. Rumbling with the duration of the friendship versus the quality of said friendship never results in a good outcome especially when you know it’s not salvageable. Just because you were friends from elementary school doesn’t mean that gives them permission to treat you poorly, drain your energy, and add absolutely no value to your life as an adult. When these types of friendships can not evolve as life changes and you change, it’s time to cut them loose and move on. I’ve learned those types of friendships take up valuable space in my life and when removed the freedom allows me to breathe so much more easily allowing possibility to enter.
Your friendships are where you are understood, believed in and accepted just the way you are, so choose wisely as these relationships are meant to support you through your life.
Reference:
https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-make-friends/
